Yes, I do say that about Jenn and Gastrope and yes I want you to remove it or summarize it. Though it is not only me who has that view.
There was that Beta 1, general impressions, where I say a lot of stuff about the story.
And what are you saying? I do like Hilda. Never have much complaint about her.
The tree here though is that they are doing a lot of nothing and it's terribly boring. I suggest that you either cut their scenes or make it more brief or make the treck more exciting. I even suggest that Jenn and Gastrope exchange stories with the residents of the Grove and such. Instead of doing something about the fact that they are doing much nothing and its terribly boring (the trees), you keep saying that Jenn and Gastrope's treck is an important setup and important to future events (the forest). In the end the trees are still there, the treck is still boring with Jenn and Gastrope still doing much of nothing.
Though I must say, you do make the Nimbus part of the treck very exciting, that I approve. The ice dragons are a really nice touch.
As for the POV, first, I did not say in the review that they are confusing. What I said was they disrupt the flow of the story. Often times they feel disconnected that I had been skipping them when I read. The rehashing mostly is not said explicitly. Some beta say that the beggining half of the book have nothing happening or not exciting, I said that things keep repeating. There is one beta though that say that the early part of the book has only characters talking about the events of the first book.
As for Tom and company. It was just a collective desire to have more of Tom. It is not only me who want this. It was what we, the readers, desire. What you do with that knowledge is up to you. Also, you keep asking us for what we want, and we give you what we want. We want more of Tom.
As for sex, it is much more of a personal preference. It is also present in Book 1 but I just ignore it because Book 1 is just so great. Book 2 however is a different story, and it does not help when the sex has multiplied. And I say, what the heck, lets put it up. Really though, it is more of an irritant than anything.
Though there is one that I loath with the sex stuff, that is Trevin. Loath her. Hate her. I so really want to see her die. And her disgusting sexual advances is one big reason why.
Though many of us (hey it is not only me) who wants many parts out. The "tree" here though is that we don't like those parts; that is why we want them off. As a writer you could... well... make them interesting? Make them more likeable? There should be many ways you could do without removing them. In the end you did nothing. So in the end, we still don't like them.
Hey I did, say the things I want, though most of it is about stuff I want you to remove, there are some things that I want you to add. One of that is some Tom and Rupert moments. Another is to see Vaselle doing more than just shopping.
And I do put forth things that are good. The fight with ice dragons? I give you praise. D'Orcs? They are totally awesome! Tom acquiring the Rod? Interesting. I even like Vaselle when he really is just taking word space.
And wait!!! I don't hate Hilda. In fact, aside from Tom, she is one of my favorite character. You want to know who I really hate? Trevin. Gosh, I said it quite clearly in beta. Really hate her.
And I didn't hate the Grove, though, I don't care much about the Grove either.
Yes, the forest. They somehow contributed to the story. The tree though is that I can't see how it contributed to the story. And yes, I initially want it removed. Hey! Knee jerk reaction. But then, I just keep putting it forward to you since I can't still see the connection. I want them to connect to the story.
One of that, when in beta, was the mercenaries. What they do are just talking a bunch of unrelated stuff and showing off their magic. It is contributing nothing to the story. Of course they might be important later (in the third book!) but as it is now they didn't.
So, the tree was, this scene and many more similar ones, don't contribute (yet) to the story. Instead of making them connect more solidly to the story, you just leave them as is. It turns out, other readers can't see what they are about either and just see them as junk.
Yes, it is your story to tell, and in the end you will make the final decision. But understand, it was beta reading. There is bound to be negative stuff. We betas are bound to say what we don't like about the work. We would say somethings you don't like to hear. I had tried to be helpful by pointing out the problems. I did make suggestions. It is just, you can't see what I see. There are lots of problematic trees. Why can't you see them?
Thanks for admiring my insights and mind, hope it has been more useful to you though. Thanks for letting me beta read. It was a very great experience but was so stressful though.
Edited by user Wednesday, October 14, 2015 9:07:22 AM(UTC)
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